Peace Despite Circumstances

By | Life and Faith, Personal Reflections | 9 Comments

Last Sunday, Brandon drove out of country to pick up a short term mission team. We were so excited because the team was from our home church but also anxious as this was the first short term mission we would lead by ourselves. Later that same day, I started cramping and bleeding. I was 12 weeks pregnant. I thought it was just a little scare, like we had with Zach. I had so looked forward to the next week when I would have my first ultrasound and get to share the news with our friends and family. By Wednesday, when the pain had only become worse, I knew it was serious. I was told to leave the team and go home to rest. I felt God prompt me to make an appointment with my Swazi doctor despite my intentions to ignore the pain. The following day, my doctor said I would need surgery as soon as possible. Within 24 hours we had dropped everything to see my primary OBGYN in South Africa. He gently told me that my baby had most likely passed away at 8 weeks, but my body took a month to recognize the baby’s passing. I felt horror, grief, and disappointment. I don’t know why these things happen. I don’t know why these things happen to me. I laid there alone in my hospital gown for hours awaiting surgery, looking at an unfamiliar hospital room, on the other side of the world from most everyone we know….

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June 2016 Update

By | Personal Reflections | 2 Comments

Sisi. Make wa Zach. Mbali. These are a few of my new names. I’m relatively used to sisi, as every woman here is your “sister.” But Make wa Zach, well, I’ve only been “Zach’s mom” since last year. My newest name, Mbali, is a gift in more ways than one. A few months ago I was in a shop and greeted the ladies “Sanibonani.” I always get a kick out of the many Swazis who are surprised to hear their tongue in the mouth of a malungu (white person). The only danger is once in awhile, someone assumes you understand a whole lot more than the niceities. This time, though, they wanted to know if I had a Swazi name. I asked how you get one and they looked thoughtful. You can be Mbali. What does that mean? It’s a beautiful flower. How did you know? (I feign suspicion) My middle name is ROSE! We were all delighted. It felt like God was saying to me, “See, I know you and Yes, you are supposed to be here.” It was a timely message for my heart- the first couple months in Swaziland felt directionless; ministry had closed down for Christmas and we didn’t yet know what to do with ourselves in this new place. Not too long after, Brandon was given a new name. His is also fitting, as he embodies so much of the Grace his name Musa expresses. I love that the person who gave it to him…

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